1. Half-naked and sweating, his body the pale almost-yellow of his Spongebob boxers, my father pleaded, through gasps and about-to-vomit gurgles, that I call the doctor who treated him in the ER on Friday. The secretary answered, and I asked for Sherry. "Hold please," she said. And while Dad begged for Dilaudin [sic?], or morphine, or a pistol, I listened to "I Will Survive," waiting for the doctor to pick up.
2. Nick and I were watching "TV's Funniest Moments," and had just finished laughing at number 2, the Family Guy song about the ridiculous censorship of the "Freakin' FCC," which won't allow the word "penis" on television. The last commercial before the show returned started with a black screen, and a close-up traveling shot down what looked like a thermometer. Digital music announced "The world's most advanced pregnancy test" while a virtual stream of urine slow-motioned onto the end of the stick.
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